


Roger Rabbit

by DumbWoojae



Series: Love Is Difficult [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-17
Updated: 2017-07-17
Packaged: 2018-12-03 12:20:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11532105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DumbWoojae/pseuds/DumbWoojae
Summary: All Jaehyun wanted was to hook up with someone and forget about his problems and instead he ended up finding his damn soulmate who also happens to be this guy Ten won’t shut up about for the past few weeks.





	Roger Rabbit

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back with Jaehyun's side story (I tried to make this work as an individual story, guess what, it didn't quite work). English is not my first language so excuse me if there some awful mistakes I didn't correct, also I apologise because this is so long, I intended to make it short but I ended up writing a bunch of stuff that weren't even necessary, I hope you like it anyway
> 
> Title from Sleeping with sirens' roger rabbit because I'm really bad with titles

The feeling and its beginning aren’t easy-to-explain stuff, but still were there, burning on the inside of Jaehyun’s chest sometimes so intense he feared someone else might sense it despite how crazily stupid that was.

 

Loving Taeil could be described now as bitter-sweet –not like it was not bitter-sweet before, no, it totally was, but the intensity of _bitter_ used to be… not as high as it is now– because of course, only Jaehyun could be enough of an idiot to fall in love with someone who isn’t his soulmate. Which shouldn’t even be possible, for God’s sake.

 

A few months ago when Taeil started looking down and Jaehyun finally gathered the gut to ask about it, he never in a million years expected Taeil to say that he found his soulmate, much less that the white haired guy he was avoiding was his destined partner.

 

He knew from the beginning Taeil wasn’t interested in soulmates. Maybe it was the way he grimaced whenever his friends got cheesy talking about their other halves or whenever he heard others fantasying out loud about the topic, Jaehyun isn’t sure of how and when, but he knew anyway, so when Taeil cries and complains Jaehyun is there to hold him and console him like the fool in love he is.

 

He also pushes Taeil into finding his soulmate, because he looked pretty miserable without him after all and Jaehyun might be head over heels for him but he couldn’t take the sight of him being so sad, and if Taeyong was the one that would make him happy, then Jaehyun would have to do the dirty work and give a little push for them to be together.

 

Even if that meant his heart breaking into a million pieces.

 

The first time Jaehyun saw them together, acting like an old married couple all sugar and love, he cried a whole night because he couldn’t believe how stupid he is, falling for someone who’s not his soulmate.

 

He does like the idea of a soulmate, in fact, he craves for someone to love and that would love him back, but in some part of the past year and something that he has worked for Taeil he found himself falling for the smaller man. If it was his beautiful smile or his lame jokes, Jaehyun can’t tell, but he was completely, deeply, honestly in love –Which it was a shame back then and even more of a shame right now that Taeil has his soulmate by his side.

 

“Sorry I’m late” Jaehyun says entering the small café Taeil owns and quickly moving behind the counter where Taeyong and Taeil are, “My German teacher talks too much whenever someone mentions Hitler or burger king” He sighs while dropping his backpack in somewhere across the floor and moving out to take orders.

 

He does not look back to the couple because he’s feeling especially melancholic today and he’s afraid to cry or something. He’s also sure Taeyong offered to help Taeil out while he was gone because _of fucking course_ , and even though he’s thankful he’s also pretty jealous.

Jaehyun avoids looking at Taeil for the whole day; he doesn’t know why he’s feeling so low. Maybe it has something to be with Ten finding his soulmate as well and everybody looking so in love while he’s just suffering with unrequited love.

 

“I’m going home, hyung” Jaehyun says when the clock hits 5pm, pretending to do something on his phone as an excuse for not meeting Taeil’s eyes, usually he would stay until a little late because he likes helping Taeil out, but today he just doesn’t feel like it.

 

“Sure, good night” The older answers and Jaehyun can hear the sincere smile on his voice, making his chest feel heavy, so he just waves him goodbye without looking back because he’s sure he can’t take it.

 

When he arrives to his apartment the first thing he sees is Ten with his laptop in front of him but his head resting on the kitchen counter.

 

“I’m gonna die, Jaehyun” It’s his greeting.

 

“Isn’t that how being a college student works anyway” Is Jaehyun’s answer before falling face down on the couch, backpack still on his shoulders, taking a few minutes to rest because he has to pull an all-nighter so he is able to study.

 

“They’re making me take care of some foreigner students this week” Ten whines, his head still resting on the counter, “Why me? That’s just gonna take the time I could spend with Doyoung” he complains.

 

“I don’t know man, your English is good” Jaehyun says, just one step away from falling asleep so he stands up.

 

“The student council fucking hates me” Ten keeps complaining and Jaehyun lets him be without any further conversation, he needs a cold shower.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jaehyun knows he looks awful. He barely slept an hour last night, the circles under his eyes are more than noticeable and he feels like he could fall asleep if he closes his eyes a second too long. He’s even considering to ask Taeil to give him a free day because he honestly feels like he won’t be able to survive.

 

Yet he’s in college, currently walking Ten to the library where he’s meeting with one of the foreign kids he’s taking care of, because it’s close to the building where he’ll have his next class.

 

“The guy I’m meeting up today it’s so scary” Ten complains, he’s been complaining ever since he and Jaehyun met up, “He’s even taller than you are and he has such a resting bitch face, I don’t know if I like him”

 

“You complain so much, you know” The words left Jaehyun before he could stop them, all of the tiredness probably affecting his mind to mouth filter.

 

“Well why don’t you take care of scary people then?” his voice is so high pitched.

 

“Your voice is so high pitched; I think I’m getting a headache.”

 

Ten complains a bit more before they reach the library.

 

“I’m leaving now good luck.” Jaehyun waves him goodbye.

 

“No, hold on Jaehyun, don’t leave me like that, accompany me inside, Jaehyun!”

 

But Jaehyun’s gone, because he’s too tired to deal with Ten despite him being his best friend, then leave alone someone he doesn’t even know.

 

Work isn’t too busy that day and when 4pm hit Jaehyun falls asleep in the counter, he wakes up to the feeling of Taeil caressing his hair and the soft sound of his laugher.

 

“Jaehyun I believe you should go home.” Taeil whispers against his ear.

 

A full body shudder runs through Jaehyun as he abruptly stands up, his mind barely working through the haze of sleep combined with Taeil’s touch and voice, plus the feeling of his hot breath against his skin.

 

“I… What, I mean” He’s looking everywhere. Taeyong is leaning against the counter, looking at him amused.

 

“You should go to sleep” Taeyong says, not washing the little amused smile off his face. Jaehyun wants to draw it out with his fist.

 

“I’m fine, really.” He answers, shaking his head and rubbing his eyes.

 

“You fell asleep, silly” Taeil’s soft laugher hits him in the heart, it’s beautiful and sweet even if Jaehyun is pretty fucking embarrassed yet not surprised he fell asleep.

 

“We’re your _hyungs_ , you should listen to us” Taeyong says, getting him off his world of dreams.

 

Jaehyun grimaces, he has never called Taeyong “hyung” because he can’t see him in an affectionate way at all. He hopes someday he’s able to, though, because he’s pretty much a great person and he takes good care of Taeil as the older once told him he promised, but Jaehyun can’t help his jealousy.

 

“You’ll go home and sleep, you look awful” Taeil says in a joke tone, his sweet smile still there and Jaehyun can’t take it so he picks up his things and leaves.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ten rants about Johnny, one of the guys he’s taking care of, for a whole week. Whenever he gets home, when he’s about to leave or when they meet up in college, all Ten does is talk about Johnny and the others he met.

 

“I’m starting to think you like this guy Johnny” Jaehyun says, downing a big sized coffee because he had to pull an all-nighter again and he’s going to die soon if he keeps on doing it so often.

 

Ten hits his arm but Jaehyun doesn’t flinch.

 

“I like him a lot to be honest, he’s nicer than he looks like, he’s a good friend” Ten answers.

 

“I’m gonna get jealous” Jaehyun jokes, he’s accompanying Ten to the library once again and he secretly wishes to get a look of this guy Johnny who’s stealing his best friend’s attention.

 

“You’re also going to die if you keep staying up until so late” Ten scolds him, “Look at those eye bags, and your hair is all messy, you look truly terrible”

 

“I know, mom” But that comment just earns him another hit on the arm.

 

“Johnny’s waiting inside” Ten says while looking at his phone, “See you later at home okay?”

 

Jaehyun doesn’t see Ten later at home though because he decides he’ll stay with Doyoung, so Jaehyun’s left all alone in their apartment with nothing else than his thoughts to accompany him. What is probably a terrible idea at times like these, so instead of staying in his apartment to drown into his own depression, Jaehyun takes the keys of his –almost falling to pieces– car and heads to Jungwoo’s house.

 

Jungwoo is one of Jaehyun’s classmates, who also happens to be both pretty close to Jaehyun and pretty popular, and he’s hosting a party for the weekend. He invited Jaehyun at least 70 times no matter how much he kept saying he was busy, he even texted the older that same afternoon to invite him one more time.

 

Jaehyun is not a big fan of parties, he’s quite awkward around people and all the drinking stuff is not really his thing, but that is definitely better than being all alone with his own torturous mind.

 

Jaehyun wants nothing else but to stop thinking, what’s better than a party for that.

 

A wild idea appears in his head when he hits a red light. Maybe, he could hook up with someone. Many people do it even though they’re not soulmates, it’s supposed to be _fun_ and the mere idea makes Jaehyun’s knees weak because he’s never been even close of a kiss in his life. It’s exciting and scary and he decides he’ll do it with the sad excuse that it might help him feeling better.

 

It might also be a bit because, well, he’s still a fucking teenager, he wants to be reckless and bang someone at least once. He’s quite excited, and quite at the verge of peeing his pants at the mere thought of a sexual encounter with a complete stranger who’s not his soulmate, but once Jung YoonOh has made up his mind there’s no force in earth that can stop him.

 

So that’s what he’s going to do: he’ll show up in Jungwoo’s party, find a stranger who seems attractive to him and bang them somewhere so maybe a bit of the stress he’s been accumulating will vanish along with his stupid whim for Goddamn Taeil who has a fucking soulmate that’s not him.

 

Jungwoo’s house is –Logically, given that is a college party– bursting with people. Jaehyun can hear the music from a block of distance and it’s so intimidating that he almost turns back and goes back home.

 

But he doesn’t. He parks as close of the house as he can and gets inside without showing fear like that grown ass man he is.

 

He goes to the kitchen to get a drink, but he’s a grown ass chicken-man after all so he just takes a glass of coca cola and goes to find his possible target.

 

He finds Sicheng, another classmate, instead. He sits with him in the living room and they talk over the sound of the music. Usually he’s never separated from his soulmate but Kun is busy so he came alone. Jaehyun uses the excuse of keeping him company even though he knows he’s just afraid to do what he came to do.

 

After an hour of chat, he finally gathers the guts to stand up and roam. He walks around but it seems like he can’t find someone of his interest in the sea of people. At least half of the college population is there, yet he can’t find one single person he would be willing to fuck.

 

A silhouette calls his attention from afar. It’s a guy in the background, he’s at least a bit taller than the rest there –Jaehyun can see Jungwoo among them– his hair is like caramel, his features are handsome, and Jaehyun stops for a second and thinks that he would totally do him, soulmates or not, he’s almost walking towards the boy but something stops him.

 

He sees it before he feels it.

 

The stranger’s mark is in his right hand, in the space where his thump meets the rest of his hand, Jaehyun sees it when he takes his own long bangs out of his face. It looks like a flower with undulated patterns, as if it was burning on fire.

 

Exactly equal to Jaehyun’s soulmate mark.

 

He panics and just stands there staring through the glass door to the background at this person for what it feels like an eternity.

 

_This is my fucking soulmate, oh my god._

A few minutes –or hours? – later, the guy stops laughing with everyone else and turns his head to find Jaehyun staring. And it is then when he feels it.

 

_The pull._

And oh God what should he do.

 

They’re just staring at each other. In the sea of people moving around, they’re frozen there, both startled by the other’s presence, just looking at each other without blinking an eye as if they could disappear otherwise.

 

Jaehyun is the first one to move. He runs away.

 

It’s an impulse and he has no idea why he’s running away from his soulmate when he should be running to his arms, but Jaehyun is afraid, so fucking afraid he’s struggling to open his car’s door because his hands are shaking.

 

The stranger stands on the door of Jungwoo’s house looking around the street the exact same moment Jaehyun manages to actually open the door of his car. They look at each other for a second, the pull still there, before Jaehyun hurriedly gets in the car and turns it on to go away. The stranger runs to where he is but when he reaches the place Jaehyun’s car was in it’s too late, Jaehyun is gone.

 

He stops three streets later to breathe, his whole body is shaking and he still doesn’t have a fucking idea why he ran away like that, it’s just ridiculous.

 

When he gets home, the clock on the kitchen says 2am and it’s just great that it’s Friday or he’d die in classes the next day.

 

He sits on his bed a second to process information; he went to a party for a bang and he found his soulmate, he ran away, and also the brand new realization that if this guy was in Jungwoo’s party then maybe they both study in the same college. Also taking on consideration that he was talking and laughing with Jungwoo himself, it might be a bit more that probable that they have some friends in common.

 

_Fucking great._

 

Jaehyun’s head starts to ache, 2am isn’t the best time to think about his mess of a life anyway, so with a heavy sigh he takes off his clothes and falls on his bed to sleep.

 

Though he sleeps four hours only, because his alarm reminds him he promised Taeil to help on the weekend as well and he curses himself for being such a fool in love.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jaehyun doesn’t see his soulmate in almost two weeks, he doesn’t know if he should feel relieved or restless. Also, he didn’t tell Ten about what happened because the older would have probably strangulated him, principally because he knows about Taeil and his soulmate is supposed to be solution of it all. But he isn’t.

 

Jaehyun still feels the same way about Taeil and he’s afraid that maybe that’s the reason he ran away from his soulmate. Because he can’t love two people at the same time, it’s either Taeil or the guy from the party and even thought the answer is more than obvious, Jaehyun isn’t sure he can make a decision.

 

“Earth calling Jaehyun” Ten hits him with a throw pillow, “I’m talking to you, douchebag, don’t ignore me.”

 

“I’m sorry” he stutters, still too distracted by his own thoughts.

 

“What were you thinking about, god, you’ve been so distant lately” Ten complains, though Jaehyun can tell he’s worried.

 

“I’m just full of exams and shit” He lies, “I’m fine.”

 

He’s not really fine, but he guesses that he’ll eventually be and there’s no need to bother Ten who already has a lot of things to worry about, he doesn’t need to add Jaehyun being an idiot to that list.

 

“Whatever I was saying that you should hang out with Johnny and me” he repeats, “I mean you’re like the only one that haven’t met him yet, that’s sad”

 

Jaehyun whines like the big baby he is.

 

“I have enough friends already, no need to add anyone else” He rolls on the couch, but that doesn’t stop Ten who hits him with the evil throw pillow again.

 

“You’ll meet him because I say so, you gotta stop hiding yourself away from everyone”

 

“Stop scolding me so much” He whines again, “I don’t hide myself from anyone, I just enjoy being home alone without people bothering me, is it that bad”

 

“Yes!” Ten nags, “That’s not fucking healthy we’ll wait for you tomorrow at lunch where we always eat and you better be there or I’ll murder you while you sleep, understood?”

 

Jaehyun sighs, “Understood, mom.”

 

Ten hits him in the back of the head.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jaehyun spends his morning considering suicide.

 

Ten used all the hot water, so he had to shower with the coolest water ever, apparently something was wrong with his shitty car because it was making awful noises _again,_ he forgot his lunch at home –he could buy one in college, but his poor student wallet would really suffer the consequences– and he pulled an all-nighter again to study for a test, but the teacher never showed up.

 

By the moment lunch time arrives Jaehyun has almost forgotten about Ten and fucking Johnny, but his roommate sends him a pretty menacing text that leaves him with no choice but to walk to their usual spot in the yard to eat.

 

He’s looking down to his phone while he walks to his destination, a few days might have passed but he’s still disturbed about his soulmate, so he avoid walking with his head up just in case they cross paths, like that would help him to go unnoticed.

 

This time he feels it before he sees it. He’s just a few steps away from their usual table when the pull makes presence in his chest. He lifts his head and witnesses in horror how his soulmate is sitting on their table, next to Ten and Doyoung, holding Doyoung’s guitar in his hands and laughing along the couple.

 

He lifts his head to stare at Jaehyun again, what draws Ten’s and Doyoung’s attention to him as well.

 

“Jaehyun” Ten waves at him, “Come to meet Johnny.”

 

There’s no way, there’s no goddamn way.

 

_Fucking Johnny is my soulmate._

All Jaehyun wanted was to hook up with someone and forget about his problems and instead he ended up finding his damn soulmate who also happens to be this guy Ten won’t shut up about for the past few weeks. It’s like universe either had mercy on his poor soul or hates him too much. Most likely it was the second.

Before any of them can react, Jaehyun runs away again.

 

He forces his legs to run as fast as they can even though he’s dying of exhaustion, he runs at least 3 minutes without stopping before hiding behind a column to breathe.

 

His big mistake was to stop in the first place, because Johnny appears out of nowhere like fucking droopy and takes his left arm in one hand.

 

“I got you” He says, breath heavy as Jaehyun’s own and voice _oh so deep,_ “Why the fuck are you running away from me?” he asks with a frown in his handsome face.

 

Jaehyun is startle that he was cough, but even if he wasn’t he wouldn’t have an answer for that question, so he just stays there looking at Johnny with his eyes wide open, mouth gape.

 

Eventually he lets go of his arm and Jaehyun realizes that wearing a jacket today was a good idea, he doesn’t want to imagine experiencing a bond right now, he’d probably faint, or throw up, or both.

 

Also he’s not ready to bond, not with his feelings towards Taeil still alive and burning inside of him, that wouldn’t be fair for Johnny either.

 

Up this close, Johnny’s figure stands imposing in front of Jaehyun. He sure as hell is close to 2 meters tall, his lips are sinfully full and his eyes are deep, all of him is just absolutely gorgeous, so gorgeous Jaehyun gets caught off on his beauty, his hair looks like the softest thing on earth and Jaehyun has to stop himself from touching it. He’s staring at him expressionless and Jaehyun finally understands what Ten meant by scary. He’s already feeling confused.

 

“ _Fucking soulmates shit_ ” Jaehyun thinks and it’s not until Johnny looks at him with a frown that he realizes he said the words out loud.

 

It seems quite funny that the first words Johnny gets to hear from him are those but his confused expression stops him from laughing.

 

“I… My name is Johnny, uh, my Korean name is Youngho” he opts to say after a while of staring at each other.

 

“I know, Ten won’t shut up about you” He says, his brain to mouth filter not very useful as always, “My name is YoonOh, but I prefer Jaehyun.”

 

“Ten won’t shut up about you either” Johnny says, playful smile in his lips.

 

Jaehyun doesn’t know what to answer, so he says nothing. They stand awkwardly there while people pass by.

 

“Both of our names start with Y” Johnny finally says in a miserable attempt to break the ice, “Sorry I don’t know what to say, this is not how I imagined it would be.”

 

It is not how Jaehyun imagined either, he always thought it would be a beautiful encounter filled with smiles and maybe some tears, even a kiss. Never in a million years would he imagine that he would run away from his soulmate as if he was the devil chasing after his soul.

 

“I have classes” Jaehyun says, more to himself that to Johnny, but he gains an answer anyway.

 

 

 

 

 

Johnny convinces him to skip classes and go to his apartment to talk. However, Jaehyun doesn’t know how is it going to work having a soulmate while being in love with someone else.

 

Youngho’s apartment isn’t small, but it isn’t too big either, Jaehyun sits awkwardly in the living room’s couch while Youngho sits in front of him, none of them said anything in the 15 minutes Jaehyun has been here. Silence seems to be the predominating factor in their relationship and even thought he knows they need to talk, he can’t bring himself to say anything at all. He can’t even think about a coherent sentence.

 

“I’m 21” Johnny says out of the blue, probably trying to break the ice once again.

 

“I’m 19” Jaehyun says, “You’re my hyung.”

 

Johnny’s smile is so beautiful Jaehyun has to stop himself so he won’t jump over him.

 

"You're knotted to an old man, I’m sorry” He says, and that draws a small laugh out of Jaehyun.

 

The cute way Johnny is looking at him is making Jaehyun dizzy, he curses himself for doubting on the bond that only soulmates could share, and he briefly wonders if his feelings for Taeil will go away quickly or slowly. Or if they will ever go away at all.

 

It hits him in a second that Johnny should know about it, because he is Jaehyun’s soulmate after all and he deserves to know about his feelings, yet he can’t put the whole situation into words, being in love with someone who’s not your soulmate is not something you hear often. Hooking up was something, but love was supposed to be totally out of reach if you’re not each other’s soulmate.

 

Johnny hesitantly offers his hand and Jaehyun freezes, unsure of what to do next. He can’t bond to Johnny without telling him about his… problem. Yet again, he’s not exactly sure how he should explain it.

 

“I’m in love with someone else” he says without a warning, because there is no possible way he could soften it anyway. Johnny looks hurt and shocked making Jaehyun feel like the shit he probably is.

 

They fall in silence once again, Jaehyun knows he fucked up, but then he actually fucked up since the moment he fell for Taeil and there wasn’t much he could do.  Johnny looks startled, because obviously everybody knows it’s technically not possible to fall for anyone that’s not your soulmate.

 

“I don’t know how” He hurries to say, “Before you ask, I can’t tell how or when, much less how is it possible, but it is truth.”

 

“And then?” Johnny says, and after a pregnant pause where none of them say a word, he talks again, “What are we going to do?”

 

But Jaehyun really doesn’t know.

 

 

 

 

 

When Ten finds out, it’s not pretty. It was obvious that he would find out sooner or later but it did not happen in the way Jaehyun was expecting, then again, nothing seems to happen in the way Jaehyun expects.

 

After running away from the them in lunch like a maniac and Johnny following him as if he was a thief, Ten and Doyoung were left with quite a lot of questions, and of course, as soon as Jaehyun sets a foot on the apartment his best friend jumps over him shooting a thousand questions in barely a minute. It was a dead end, so Jaehyun told him the whole thing, if he didn’t he was sure Ten would get Johnny to tell him anyway, and that would be way worse.

 

“You fucking ran away from your soulmate” Ten declares, gaping at him, “Why wou-”

 

“I don’t have an idea Ten, I don’t know” Jaehyun cuts him off, he’s already sick of the question, asking himself the same almost every five minutes since the first time he saw Johnny standing in Jungwoo’s backyard and decided to run away.

 

“But he’s your soulmate I mean, you guys already talked and stuff so why didn’t you just touch each other, you know, you should’ve bonded” He moves his hands around while he speaks in an exasperated gesture.

 

Jaehyun buries his face in his hands, “It’s not that easy.”

 

“Is this about Taeil?” Ten asks, insensitive, “Because yeah okay you like him but Johnny is your soulmate Jaehyun you know that you sh-”

 

“I’m telling you is not that fucking easy okay” He snaps, “It’s not like just a crush, I’m fucking in love and of course you wouldn’t understand, you have the perfect soulmate life shit” He knows he’s being too rude at Ten, it’s not like he has any fault into this, but he can’t help to get mad at him because of his words.

 

Ten gapes at him, silenced and shocked, and for some reason that just makes Jaehyun madder.

 

“I don’t know why I tell you this anyway, it’s not like you would understand.” He stands up and walks to his room, leaving a perplexed Ten sitting alone in the living room.

 

 

 

 

 

Jaehyun feels like shit.

 

He couldn’t close an eye the night before, not about studies, but because of stupid thoughts about Johnny, Taeil, or even Ten. He’s pissed at them and at himself.

 

In the morning, Ten tried to apologize. Or Jaehyun thought that was what he was trying to do while he simply ran away. Then Youngho followed him around, walking beside him between every class without saying a word and then leaving when Jaehyun arrived to his classroom like a fucking creep. He eats alone, hiding in some abandoned part of the building because he doesn’t feel like talking –Or even looking at– Ten and Doyoung, and much less Johnny.

 

Truth to be told, he doesn’t want to see Taeil either, last night he even considered searching for a new job so he could be away from him and with the distance hopefully his feelings would go away too. The thing is, he still doesn’t have another job –he isn’t really sure about actually getting another because that would probably hurt Taeil, and Jaehyun doesn’t want to do that–, and he likes it or not he’s still Taeil’s employee, so he has to go to work, what means looking at Taeil, what also means an incredible amount of frustration settling in him because _why the fuck do I have to love him why can’t I be a normal person._

 

The frustration is a familiar feeling but what is not familiar at all –neither welcomed– is the furious rage that burns on him the moment Taeil greets him with a sincere smile. He wants to yell at him, scream and make a big fuss, ask him why he had to make Jaehyun fall in love with him in the first place as if Taeil planned this all just to make him suffer. He makes a face instead, and walks away to take orders.

 

Taeil seems worried, Jaehyun can tell, maybe because he’s been quieter than usual or because he won’t even look at the older. He doesn’t trust himself to open his mouth though because he might say something he will regret.

 

Around 3 o’clock, Johnny shows up, Jaehyun is startled because either the universe really fucking hates him or Ten told him –Probably a combination of both? –, the taller walks to him with a little shy, almost apologetic, smile.

 

“I want a latte” He simply says, “Do you guys use soy milk or…?” Jaehyun isn’t sure if it’s an actual question or if Johnny is just asking that to force him to speak, so he only nods, “Then can you please use soy milk?”

 

He works in the order without even looking at Johnny, and slides it on the counter so he doesn’t accidently touch him either. Johnny looks at him for a minute and then sits on a table near as to keep an eye on him and opens his laptop, the image makes Jaehyun want to laugh because that quite reminds him of Taeyong when he was still trying to convince Taeil to be together, however, it’s an unpleasant thought so he simply stands there expressionless.

 

Maybe a minute or maybe two later, Taeil comes behind the counter as well and starts talking to him, but Jaehyun isn’t actually listening, he isn’t looking at Johnny either, instead, he fixes his eyes on the counter as if it was the most interesting thing in the world.

 

“Your hair looks so fluffy lately” the sentence catches his attention and he turns his head to see Taeil standing beside him, looking up at his hair, “Did you change your shampoo or something?”

 

His ears burn because he can’t believe Taeil fucking noticed when even he was not aware of such a fact until that same morning.

 

“Uh, yes” he clumsily answers, “Ten made me buy a new one, seems like it’s pretty good.”

 

“You need a haircut too” Taeil uses that voice he only uses when he’s scolding someone, but he lifts his hand and caresses Jaehyun’s hair out of his face, “It is so soft, woah”

 

Embarrassed and ears probably burning, Jaehyun pushes his head back so Taeil will stop touching his hair, but the older leans forwards to keep annoying him.

 

“Ah, Jaehyunnie, are you embarrassed because everybody is watching your hyung pet you a bit?” Taeil says, eyes and voice playful and Jaehyun wants to scream at him to stop making him fall even deeper.

 

“Hyung, stop, really” no matter how much Jaehyun pushes back, Taeil keeps touching him, they’ve reached the point where their bodies are pressed together and the younger feels like he can’t breathe, “Since when are you so clingy? Stop” he takes Taeil’s hand in his to stop him and the older finally gives up.

 

“I’m just annoying you, Jaehyun-ah” he answers, playfulness still alive in his voice, “but you do need a haircut thought.”

 

“I know” he smiles fondly at the older, who does the same.

 

Johnny’s eyes have been burning holes into him since Taeil got touchy-feely but he does his best to ignore him, pretending to be busy with his phone. Costumers arrive and leave, everything is normal expect for Johnny who asks for his third latte.

 

“So much coffee in the middle of the day isn’t fucking sane” Jaehyun scolds while leaving the small cup on the table, that’s the first thing he has said to Johnny since he arrived almost two hours ago, “stop being such a stalker, go home.”

 

“Is it him?” is Johnny’s answer, and when he notices the confused look in Jaehyun’s face he says, “The person you’re in love with, is it him?” and he moves his eyes to where Taeil is.

 

Jaehyun stars mumbling what it sounds like an excuse but then he gives up because there’s no need to hide it anyway when Johnny totally deserves to know, so he nods instead, gaining a sad smile and an “I see” out of his soulmate.

 

Johnny leaves as soon as Jaehyun is back behind the counter, culpability settling on his chest as he watches the older walk away with heavy shoulders. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When Jaehyun gets home his favorite food is resting on the breakfast bar along with two cups of soda and Jaehyun’s favorite pie aside for later. Ten is sitting on the couch apparently waiting for him and the younger arches an eyebrow at him.

 

“It’s my way to apologize” Ten explains, “I’m sorry, I’m an asshole, I have no idea of what you’re going through yet I talked shit, I am really sorry for being an awful friend, Jaehyun.”

 

He really seems regretful, his face down in a sad expression not very suitable for his best friend, his aura also seems dark and this is totally not the loud and cheerful person Jaehyun is used to, he can tell Ten is really sorry, so he opens his arms and receives Ten in a hug, mutely accepting his apologize. They eat together, avoiding the subject that made them fight in the first place.

 

At least until later on.

 

Jaehyun is lying on his bed ready to sleep when Ten opens his door. He’s using one of Doyoung’s shirts and his biggest pajama pants, he doesn’t say anything as he closes the door and walks inside the room, and then he rolls into bed, covering himself with the blankets and Jaehyun can feel him staring deep into his soul despite the lights being off. Ten grabs his hand before speaking.

 

“Do you know what you’re going to do?” Ten asks, his voice is soft and everything but judgmental.

 

Jaehyun tells him everything inside his head. About his fear of hurting Johnny and his regret because he knows he’s doing it anyway, about what happened earlier, about his confusing feelings, he tries his best to explain how does it feel to be in love with Taeil despite the older is not his soulmate, he tells him about his sleepless nights trying to find out what was wrong with him and the incredible amount of desperation he feels, he’s trapped, doesn’t know what to do. In his head, there is no way out of this maze.

 

Ten has another idea.

 

“Just do it Jaehyun” it’s all he says, now caressing Jaehyun’s hair, the younger breathing heavily trying not to cry, the stress and desperation being too overwhelming for him. After a short pause where Jaehyun says nothing, he adds, “Touch Johnny.”

 

“That’s not fair for him when I’m in love with someone else” Jaehyun explains again, “If we create a bond while I’m not even sure if I’m happy he entered my life that’d make me an awful person.”

 

Physical bonds aren’t a thing to be taken as lightly as Ten is suggesting. There are many important stuff implied in them, as feeling what the other feels –Even though that never lasts too long– or the urge some experience to do _stuff._ One could never guess what kind of repercussions the bond would have. If Jaehyun was completely and indisputably happy about Johnny in his life, without any kind of confusing feelings, he’d have probably touched him that same day they saw each other at Jungwoo’s party, but he has doubts, and doing that to his soulmate seems wrong.

 

Ten suggests that they should at least communicate, getting to know each other since they’re soulmates after all, so he insists –Even if Jaehyun tells him not to around 20 times–  that he’ll give Johnny his number so they can talk about whatever without being so awkward. It’s a good idea, Jaehyun has to admit, but he still doesn’t like it.

 

He is so physically and emotionally exhausted he feels like he could faint, feelings tiring him to death combined to the fact that he hasn’t had a proper sleep in at least two days are too much to handle, so it’s not long until he falls asleep even with Ten talking.

 

He skips morning classes, not because he wants to but because Ten turns off his alarms and leaves a note telling him to rest, Jaehyun really needs to rest, so he follows Ten’s command and does so, waking up at almost midday so he could get ready on time and go to work.

 

Jaehyun arrives early, the furious rage of clients still not there, and he’s welcomed by Taeyong hugging Taeil to his chest, casually stealing kisses while Mark looks at them uncomfortable. He greets them silently, wondering if Taeyong even has a fucking job because he’s always there with Taeil, and stands next to Mark creating a quiet chat.

 

“Why are you here so early, hyung?” Mark asks, looking at him with a smile, “You’re being reckless and skipping classes?”

 

“Maybe” he answers, pushing the younger with his elbow.

 

Mark does the same, being the playful younger brother he has always been. He hugs Jaehyun’s side and starts to push him around causing the older to laugh, mocking him, saying he’s too skinny and needs some exercise. It feels nice to have a bit of jokes and laughs after so much pressure put in him, he almost forgets about Taeil and Taeyong until the later decides to speak.

 

“Ah, Jaehyunnie is so cute” He beams, and Jaehyun wants to throw up, “Why aren’t you this playful with me, I feel like you hate me.”

 

“Because I do” He could have stopped that, but he doesn’t.

 

However, Mark and Taeil laugh too hard and it makes it look like he wasn’t serious though he really was. Taeyong looks at him with fake sad eyes, pouting, but Jaehyun couldn’t give less of a damn about how the older feels, so he just smiles petulantly at him while arching an eyebrow.

 

Clients go, clients come and the day’s pretty normal until the moment Johnny texts him. It is a simple “I’m Johnny” so Jaehyun doesn’t know if he should answer something else or not, just after he decides he won’t answer anything, Johnny asks how is he. It takes him almost 20 minutes to think about what his reply should be, but in the end, he texts a simple “busy with work, sorry.”

 

He’s lying though, he’s not busy, there are barely people left. But that’s not something Johnny needs to know.

 

He gets no answer until he’s home. Johnny asks him if he already left and Jaehyun contemplates the idea of Johnny being a crazy ass stalker following him around, and shakes the thought away quickly not because it seems impossible but because it’s freaking him out, especially when he’s alone again because Ten is staying with Doyoung.

 

He doesn’t want to answer, but he feels bad about loving someone else and also ignoring him, so he lays in bed and types “Yes, I hope your day went well” he deletes it and re-writes it at least 10 times, doubting if it would be a good answer. After fifteen minutes he decides he should stop being such a big baby, he created a mess, he should also try to figure it out, so without anymore hesitation he hits send.

 

 

 

 

 

Jaehyun hates himself. He stayed awake until fucking 3 in the morning texting Johnny, he didn’t even notice until it was too late, it seems like he can’t have a good night of sleep for two days straight.

 

He’s walking to Taeil’s café for a quick order before classes but he finds Johnny in the way, he’s holding two big glasses in his equally big hands.

 

“Dark coffee” it’s all he says, handing one to Jaehyun. The dark circles under his eyes making him look tired despite the small smile on his lips.

 

He takes it with a quiet “Thank you” and isn’t sure if it’s the liquid what actually warms his insides. Johnny walks him to class as he does lately and then leaves after gifting him with another smile and an “I’ll see you later.”

 

Jaehyun is glad that there isn’t as much drama as he expected. They could easily spend their time screaming at each other, but they’re taking it easy, and he’s grateful to Johnny for that, being comprehensive isn’t something you can say about everybody.

 

He sits with Ten and Doyoung at lunch, Johnny joins them not much later. Jaehyun suspects Ten told Doyoung about them, because he doesn’t say anything neither gives them weird looks. Or maybe his suspects are wrong, because when Doyoung notices the mark in Johnny’s hand and then in his, he tries to exchange a confused look with the younger, but Jaehyun ignores him because he doesn’t want things to get more awkward than they already are.

 

He finds joy in texting Johnny, even if sometimes that means full sleepless nights, they’re definitely more talkative in person too, and Jaehyun feels happy that they’re moving forwards so smoothly and easily. They still avoid the soulmates subject, also they don’t talk about bonds or anything   that involves their problem, Jaehyun knows it isn’t right but he can’t help being happy about it.

 

It starts in the silliest way possible. Jaehyun is standing behind the counter, it is around 7pm already and though his obligatory time ended two hours ago he still stayed to help Taeil out. When he told Youngho he’d stay –they texted even if Jaehyun was working– he said he would pick him up to take dinner together, Jaehyun told him he didn’t have to around 10 times but he got no reply anyway, his soulmate could be pretty stubborn.

 

“Have this” Taeil says, holding a ball of chocolate in front of Jaehyun’s mouth, moving forwards when the younger leaned back, “C’mon try it, it’s very good.”

 

It does look very good, so he opens his mouth and bites half of the sphere, his lips accidently touching Taeil’s fingers. He lets out a pleasured whine while munching on the chocolate, it is pretty much the best he has tasted in a while.

 

“I told you it was good” Taeil nags, feeding the younger the other half. “Now try this brownie.”

 

Jaehyun obliges, letting Taeil feed him the delicious pastry. “Hyung, that is so good.”

 

“Right? Taeyong made them.” And for the very first time since they met, Jaehyun feels like he doesn’t hate Taeyong that much.

 

Jaehyun’s back is facing the counter and Taeil is feeding him with a spoon of an incredibly delicious cake when he hears Johnny’s voice behind him.

 

“Shall we go already?” he says with an ice cold tone, not bothering with greetings.

 

“Ah, Johnny hyung” Jaehyun says, his mouth still full, “Give me a second” he takes his apron off and gathers his things, feeling the elder’s gaze on him all the while.

 

He thanks heaven the fact that Taeil doesn’t talk, he gives Jaehyun two brownies wrapped in a napkin and waves them goodbye with a smile. Johnny has brought his car and they decide to drop Jaehyun’s in his apartment complex before heading to Johnny’s house. He’s extremely quiet and way more serious than he usually is, his stoic expression reminds Jaehyun of the time Ten said he was scary, he keeps that face no matter how much Jaehyun jokes around or tries to create a little talk. He opens the younger’s door without actually looking at him once they arrive, and he heads to his place without saying a word, it isn’t until they’re inside the apartment that Jaehyun dares to open his mouth again.

 

“Hyung, is there something wrong?” he asks hesitantly, his soft voice sounds loud in the quiet apartment.

 

Johnny drops his things on the couch and heads to the kitchen, however, the only thing that separates the kitchen from the living room is a small space and the breakfast bar, so when Jaehyun gives a step forwards he can see the older filling a glass with water and drinking it with the exact same expression he has had since he picked Jaehyun up from work. He’s about to talk again but Johnny sends him a strong gaze that shuts him up even before he can open his mouth.

 

“Is there something wrong?” Johnny repeats his question in a tone that makes Jaehyun feel like a scolded child, “Are you serious?”

 

They look at each other for around two minutes in complete silence, when Jaehyun says nothing Johnny rolls his eyes before looking at him again.

 

“Listen YoonOh I’m trying” he starts, his voice still as cold as his expression, “I am trying okay. I know you fucking love him, I’m trying to be comprehensive, and I expect nothing but you to be comprehensive as well.”

 

“I don’t know what you mean” Jaehyun says, genuine confusion in his voice. That seems to trigger something in the older.

 

“I mean” he grips the side of the breakfast bar and Jaehyun can see his knuckles turning white, “That –oh God I’m gonna sound like an asshole– I am your soulmate. Me. Not that guy. So I expected you to _try_ to stop whatever you feel for him, but I don’t see you trying, like you don’t fucking care.”

 

“But I am!” he says loudly, almost a shout.

 

“Oh really?” Johnny answers, his voice still cold and soft, he takes off his beanie before speaking again. “Every time I see you around him, you’re all over each other.”

 

Remember that time he said he was glad about them not fighting? He probably jinxed it. No, he definitely jinxed it.

 

“Johnny hyung, really…”he says in a low voice while massaging his temples and then, back to his previous almost-shouting voice he says, “He and his soulmate are together! They’re bonded and all!”

 

“But we’re not!” Johnny finally lifts his voice to match Jaehyun’s own, “that has nothing to do with your feelings, you still love him!”

 

“I don’t know what do you want from me!” Jaehyun shouts, passing his hands through his messy hair, “I told you, from the beginning I told you Youngho!”

 

“I… I’m not telling you to hurry up and stop loving him!” Johnny imitates his gesture and messes up his own hair, “I’m just telling you to try, I don’t freaking see you trying okay” He sighs, it’s so heavy and tired Jaehyun feels immediately guilty.

 

Jaehyun is trying. He really is trying to look at Taeil without the confusing feelings inside his chest, but is not easy.

 

“I don’t even know if you feel shit for me, I want to run away” Johnny confesses and restlessness settles in Jaehyun like never before.

 

He never stopped to think what he really feels for Youngho at all, he’s happier than he normally is whenever they’re talking, and when they see each other a smile always blooms on his face. He doesn’t think it’s love, but he already feels something for the older, and he definitely doesn’t want to lose him, Johnny is his soulmate after all.

 

After 20 minutes of yelling –About soulmates, about bonds, about Taeil–, Johnny passes a hand through his face, tired, and walks pass him to the couch where he lets himself fall, grabbing a throw pillow and covering his face with it. Jaehyun doesn’t know what to do or say next, still standing awkwardly in the middle of the apartment, his backpack still on his shoulders while calculating what could be the best thing to say now, to assure Johnny they’ll be okay and that he’ll find a way to love him even though he’s not really sure about it. It’s too much. Fucking soulmates are too much.

 

In a moment like this –watching Johnny with his face buried in a throw pillow and breathing heavily, like trying to calm down after their verbal war– is Jaehyun who really wants to run away. It’s too much responsibility, he’s not ready to be an adult. He fucked up pretty bad and now he has to find a way to fix all the mess on his own, this time there won’t be anyone there to do it for him or to even help, this is _his_ responsibility and no one else’s. And it fucking sucks.

 

He wants to turn back in time and be a 6 years old again, his only responsibilities being to make ugly drawings in kindergarten and to play games, being an adult really fucking sucks. There are so many things he’s not ready to deal with, he might as well stab himself with a fork in the eye and hopefully bleed to death.

 

Here and now, though, he can’t do that. Well he could but it’s not the correct thing to do, so instead, he sits besides Johnny on the couch and covers his face with a throw pillow as well, hoping earth would crack open and swallow him whole.

 

“I’m sorry” He whispers, he doesn’t know why he’s apologizing, maybe for nothing or maybe for everything, but he does it anyway.

 

“I know” It’s all Johnny says, “We gotta solve this out.”

 

“I know” He says, and they stay in silence for what it seems like hours but are really just 15 minutes.

 

Johnny orders pizza and they eat in silence, avoiding even eye contact. Jaehyun knows there’s something Johnny’s not saying, but he’s not sure if he should push his luck too much. In the end, he decides that they’ve said too much that night, but they should say it all.

 

“What is it?” He asks, right after Johnny asks if he should take him home already.

 

The older looks at him in confusion, the car keys still on his hand.

 

“There’s something you’re not saying” Jaehyun insists, “Tell me what is it.”

 

“I…” Johnny hesitates, “It’s nothing, you’re-“

 

“Don’t tell me I’m imagining things” He demands, “We’ve already said a lot, then you should say it all.”

 

He can see the encouragement in Johnny’s face, but he can also see the gears turning in his head, Jaehyun can tell he’s thinking it through, what means it must be something pretty serious, he looks at the floor with a frown and he’s holding the keys with a tight grip.

 

“Just say it, Johnny” He snaps when his soulmate takes too long to form an answer.

 

The older looks up, right into his eyes, the encouragement from before still there when he lets the keys in the kitchen counter and stands there, not making any kind of movement to get closer to Jaehyun.

 

“I…” He starts, hesitantly, “I want to bond” He finally says, and the world freezes.

 

Jaehyun doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t even move, his jaw is shut tight and he thinks it’d have been better to keep mouth closed in the first place, he’s always fucking things up.

 

He doesn’t want to bond, he’s not ready, he does not have an idea of how that is going to work and the fact that he could break Johnny is totally terrifying, he knows he can’t juggle with his feelings. Not more than he’s already doing it. A bond wouldn’t make it exactly easier and he’s sure he’ll end up hurting the other.

 

“It’s not the bond what I really want” Johnny says after a few minutes of silence, “I want to touch you” He admits and Jaehyun lifts his gaze to meet his eyes, “Just holding hands or hugging would be okay.”

 

“We can’t do that without bond” Jaehyun demands, “We can use gloves or whatever”

 

“But wouldn’t an accidental touch be the worst way to create a bond?”

 

Jaehyun curses himself because Johnny is right, it would definitely be not just unfortunate but tragic to create a bond when they really don’t want to.

 

“So my solution is” Johnny continues, “To bond already.”

 

He says it as if it wasn’t a big deal and Jaehyun is sick of people taking this as if it wasn’t that important when it pretty much is.

 

“Bonding when I’m not sure of the feelings I keep towards you, is that what you want?” He says, his voice a little rough again and he breathes in trying to calm himself down so he won’t start another fight.

 

He sees Johnny massaging his temples and hears a heavy sigh before his deep voice echoes the apartment again.

 

“I want you, that’s all I want.”

 

Jaehyun doesn’t want to, he tries really fucking hard not to, but he melts at the elder’s words. The rage inside of him is replaced by light warmth and he really wishes he could give Johnny what he wants.

 

“I’m sorry” Jaehyun says again, all of his words towards Johnny seem to be guilt ridden.

 

Jaehyun wants to say that it’s okay, that they can bond and figure out what will happen later on, that he’s sure he’ll love Johnny with the time and that he’ll make the little sacrifice to make him happy. He doesn’t actually want to do it, but that is what seems to be right. The words are about to leave his mouth when a thought hits him for a second.

 

Through the time that passed since they met, every sleepless night, every mental breakdown, it all has been about Johnny. Either Johnny or Taeil. And Jaehyun is tired of it all.

 

He’s tired of being selfless –Though he doesn’t think he’s really _that_ selfless–, he is tired of putting everyone ahead of him when considering what to do. He doesn’t want to change job because he knows that would make Taeil sad, and he tries his best to please Johnny despites his own feelings, like he doesn’t matter to even himself. He wants to be selfish for once and say “ _no, I won’t fucking bond with you not just because I’m scared to hurt you, but because I don’t want to, my opinion also matters_ ” but once again, Jaehyun is a chicken. Though he has decided that, at least this time, he’ll be a selfish one.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He doesn’t talk to Johnny anymore. They don’t even text.

 

After their discussion, Jaehyun told Johnny he needed time to think. So Johnny gave him a ride home and vanished from his life for almost three weeks.

 

To be honest, Jaehyun wasn’t expecting Johnny to disappear. But then, he isn’t really sure what he was expecting, because after what happened it was obvious that they couldn’t go back to be whatever they were before, but somehow he was still waiting the good morning text Johnny always sent around half an hour after Jaehyun told him he’d go to sleep so it’d be there in the morning, and when it’s not there, something in him sinks.

 

He doesn’t see Johnny at college either, it’s like he’s not attending classes but he is because five days after their fight Ten accidently told him, he said “ _I’ll meet Johnny in the library”_ and then he covered his mouth like he knew he shouldn’t have told him.  Anyway, Jaehyun doesn’t push nor ask for anything, he nods and leaves without a word because the fact that they fought doesn’t mean he has to stop being around anyone related to Jaehyun as well.

 

It’s hard to admit, but Jaehyun misses him pretty much. Either texting him or sitting beside him at lunch, but he misses him a lot.

 

Jaehyun gets a new job.

 

He uses the excuse of his class hours suddenly changing without a warning though it’s a lie, his horary it’s still the same.

 

As he predicted, Taeil almost cries while begging him to stay.

 

“Please, please Jaehyun don’t leave” Taeil begs, “I won’t be able to find someone as good as you are, and also you’re one of my best friends, I love you, don’t leave.”

 

He almost gives up and stays, but he reminds himself that this is about him, he’s done with pleasing others, he needs to please himself, and though he’d rather stay, leaving is the best for his own good. Johnny’s good too, but this is a selfish decision, thinking about himself and no other.

 

His new job is on the library, making copies in the back room for the teachers and stuff like that, he really preferred the coffee shop, but this was better for his confused heart.

 

He thinks. He thinks a lot.

 

Not just in nights but in the middle of his job as well, the good thing about this new job is that he has lots of free time, it isn’t as heavy as the previous one, and the payment is basically the same.

 

He spends the time he’s not using making copies or organizing files carefully thinking about his feelings, about Johnny’s feelings, about what to do. He considers texting him as well, but he doesn’t think that’s fair for neither of them so he doesn’t. He wonders if he’ll have to look for Johnny so in the end he will come to him, just like happened with Taeil and Taeyong. He doesn’t want that. He saw the pain, he doesn’t want that.

 

A breathtaking thought hits him. He’s laying in bed staring at the sealing when it happens.

 

Maybe Johnny is also laying in bed. Maybe Johnny is suffering.

 

Jaehyun never meant to hurt him, but he was aware he did and tried to ignore it. He realizes he was never selfless, all he has ever been is selfish. Overwhelmed by culpability Jaehyun doesn’t think twice before grabbing his phone and calling Johnny, it’s 2 am, but he doesn’t fucking care.

 

Johnny answers at the 3rd beep.

 

“Hello?” his voice is raspy probably from sleep and Jaehyun never realized how much he really missed him until that very moment.

 

“Youngho” He says, a smile on his face immediately.

 

“Jaehyun?” it’s his answer, and the younger fights so he won’t let out a laugh, Johnny was probably asleep and grabbed the phone without even looking who was calling.

 

“Can we meet?” he asks, half expecting Johnny to tell him to fuck off.

 

“Ah, yeah, sure” Jaehyun doesn’t stop the small laugh this time, his soulmate is apparently still half asleep.

 

“I’ll drive to your house, wait for me” he hangs up.

 

He can’t permit himself be fucking Taeil and screw things up. He can’t expect Johnny to beg to be with him, he has to take the matter into his own hands, and that’s why he drives to Johnny’s house at 2am in nothing but a grey cotton shirt and pajama pants.

 

When he reaches Johnny’s apartment and knocks the door, the older welcomes him with a surprised look. He has dark circles under his eyes and he seems tired, shoulders down as if they we carrying a heavy burden –The fact that’s almost 3 am not influencing him, Jaehyun’s sure he’d look just as screwed up in the middle of the day. He lets Jaehyun in and they settle in the big couch.

 

“So wh-” Johnny starts, but Jaehyun doesn’t let him finish.

 

“I was thinking” The younger starts, and then shakes his head, “I’ve been thinking a lot lately, Johnny, and I’m sorry, I’m a coward, I used the excuse of not hurting your feeling to cover my fear for my own, it was such a poor excuse but I convinced myself somehow, I’m an asshole, I hurt you anyway, I am so sorry.”

 

“It’s o-” he starts, but Jaehyun cuts him again.

 

“No, it’s not okay.” He pushes his hair back, “It’s not okay. You were really comprehensive when I told you about my situation, but you were right, I thought I was but I wasn’t really fucking trying as hard as I thought. I am now though, I quit the job and all.”

 

Johnny gapes at him, and then he furrows his eyebrows.

 

“I got another, don’t worry” he says, holding a laugh, “But the point is, I needed time away from everything, and you gave it to me, I’m pretty thankful to have such a comprehensive person as my soulmate” The fond smile Johnny gifts him with is so beautiful he almost forget the rest of his speech. “I needed the time, but I still missed you so much. I wanted to text you or call you or follow you around college just to see you but that wouldn’t have been fair for any of us.”

 

“I missed you too” Is all Johnny says, the fond smile still there making Jaehyun’s legs feel like jelly.

 

They stay like that for a while, just looking at each other with small smiles until Jaehyun says, “Do you still want to bond with an asshole?”

 

And Johnny laughs and it’s so _so_ beautiful Jaehyun’s heart feels as about to explode.

 

Johnny moves so he’s sitting closer to Jaehyun on the couch, their legs pressed together. Jaehyun is half expecting him to offer his hand but then he leans his face until they’re so close he knows what Johnny wants, so he closes his eyes and parts his lips as a sigh that yes, he could do whatever he wanted to do.

 

Johnny captures his upper lip between his own and rests his right hand on Jaehyun cheek. The kiss is barely lips touching, not really moving, but the sensation is incredible.

 

Jaehyun’s whole body is shaking, his mind is blank and he can hardly focus on anything but Johnny’s lips pressed against his own, he feels excited and filled with energy as if he could run to china and back in less than a minute, but then he also feels like his entire organism is made of melting ice cream. He’s crying. He doesn’t know why, but tears are furiously running down his face. And most of all, he’s happy.

 

He feels pleased, and in peace.

 

He feels Johnny’s own happiness and peace as well, he wants to jump over him and hug him. So he does.

 

Johnny laughs and kisses him a thousand times, hugging him tight, and it is so beautiful Jaehyun really can’t stop crying. Johnny is crying as well, so there is no problem in that.

 

He whispers that he’s sorry at least 30 times before Johnny pushes him to be in top of him.

 

“If you say you’re sorry one more time I’ll throw you out the window” he says, obviously an empty threat. He kisses Jaehyun hard once again to prove his point, “I won’t have mercy on you just because you’re the cutest human on earth” he says, not allowing Jaehyun to respond before attacking his lips again.

 

“So we’re cheesy now?” he laughs but chokes on a yelp when Johnny bites down on his neck.

 

“We could be many things” he says, burying his face on his soulmate’s neck with a sigh and just staying there.

 

Jaehyun wants to say he’s sorry again, because he feels so comfortable and safe between Youngho’s arms, because he shouldn’t have hurt him like he did, because he is an asshole and a chicken. But he doesn’t, half because all that matters is that they’re already together and half because Johnny will probably kick him out.

 

“I’ve been waiting for this” Youngho says against his neck readjusting so one of his legs now rests between the younger’s, the vibration of his words tickling against Jaehyun’s sensitive skin.

 

“Sorry I kept you waiting” Jaehyun says, caressing his hair. It’s soft between his fingers and he sighs pleasured because of the sensation and the closeness of their bodies.

 

“But you’re here now” Youngho coaxes him, “And waiting was so worth it”

 

And he’s right, he’s so right. They’ve got each other, despite the ups and downs, despite Taeil and whatever, they’re together now, and it felt more than just right, it was perfect, they were perfect.  

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed that piece of... something, despite how long and probably not-that-interesting it was, thanks for taking the time to read it♥


End file.
